prasarita paddotansana | wide legged forward fold

the concept:

Self study (or in Sanksrit Svadhyaya) is the practice and cultivation of an awareness that takes us above and beyond how we attach to ourselves so that we can, well, study ourselves. All with the purpose and intention of creating genuine, right understanding.

We turn inward consciously as if to watch ourselves and each part of ourselves from a higher vantage point, an observation deck of sorts, where we (and our experiences) become a matter of study and contemplation. From this vantage point we can imagine ourselves as explorers of ourselves and explorers of this life with a sense of awareness that picks up enriching and enlightening details. Imagine having another set of eyes that you were able to see within yourself and outside of yourself with. What kinds of actions, movements, feelings, thoughts could we potentially notice and learn from? Each experience we have is real grounds for connecting pieces of all the different parts of our intricately designed minds, bodies and their connection to far more, if not literally everything else. It is believed that through becoming more attuned with oneself, we gain a higher sense of Self - the Universe within ourselves, giving us all the information from experience over time and a reflective mirror to partake in our learning more deeply.

The concept of self study is, to me, a practice of getting out of my head. The mind, the space of over-thought, over-analysis. The space of judgement, conditioned ideas learned from outside of the body and from somewhere outside of one’s inner voice, all of the formed pathways and chatter that projects into our bodies and into how we interact with and relate to our outer world. The mental processes that take over the pure awareness of what is happening in the present experience and we often mistake for awareness itself.

In the words of the incredible Eckhart Tolle:

Behind the sometimes seemingly random or even chaotic succession of events in our lives as well as in the world lies concealed the unfolding of a higher order and a purpose. This is beautifully expressed in the Zen saying “The snow falls, each flake in its appropriate place.” We can never understand this higher order through thinking about it because whatever we think about is content; whereas, the higher order emanates from the formless realm of consciousness, from universal intelligence. But we can glimpse at it, and more than that, align ourselves with it, which means be conscious participants in the unfolding of that higher purpose.

Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind.

- excerpts from A New Earth

Yoga takes us on a journey to and through ourselves, from ego to human inner experience to deep spiritual Self discovery.

In my regular, off-the-mat life, I practice this concept in a number of ways. Two major practices I partake in almost every day are: journaling and another form of yoga practice - meditation.

Since I was a young girl, journaling has been a more active source of taking time to see what is inside by pouring it out. Though journaling can be challenging (especially as a new practice or after a long break away from it), it allows us to unpack what is inside while allowing us to see what is unpacked from a different space and with space so that we can slowly learn from the literal notes that we are taking about who we are and how we are perceiving things. The ability to treat ourselves differently, move differently, find and create possibilities for ourselves because of the understanding we gain of who we are elevates us and continuously offers us up to something, anything higher than before. And journaling is one example of taking from what is within, seeing, getting out of that space and moving into one where we are capable of gaining insight.

In short, meditation is a technique that gives us the opportunity be in a different way than usual and sets a quieter inner-environment that changes the dynamic for how we experience what exists inside. Meditation has been an on-and-off practice of mine for about a decade. A practice that changes every day but has deepened and accelerated the carving of the path in all things personal, spiritual and in healing. We learn to sit with ourselves and whatever it is that’s going on within. Sitting with ourselves without performing, doing, or acting on the things we find. This is no easy undertaking and requires a lot of patience, compassion, and practice. Much like journaling and honestly any other method that draws us closer to who, what and how we are. The idea of getting out of our heads and moving into Grace are a challenge when it also means facing what’s in our heads and elsewhere. Perhaps you know this and understand the real but highly intentional struggle in this work. But we have the capacity to move beyond the idea. With each sit we get above the idea and into a space that is absorbing and connecting all the information, all the goodness, which will become skilled, equipped guides who see a bit more clearly and with a little bit more love for who we are.

There are countless ways to study ourselves and practice this yogic concept. It is a philosophy, a way of not only thinking but also a way of believing. That belief is the integrated ingredient in this life, which we willingly incorporate on an experimental basis. I believe the very act of living guides us to the always ultimate learning. As we go through life we experience and through these experiences the knowledge is collected. But beyond that is the significant element of connection and co-participation that we look to strengthen through techniques that get us to put ourselves in front of a metaphorical (or maybe real, physical) mirror and work both our ability to be as objective as we are subjective with ourselves.

By making ourselves the case of study, we open the lens and broaden the perspective. I think of this as taking ourselves out of the position of “the doer” and becoming more like a witness. By becoming a witness to ourselves we expand what we see and what is going on with more fullness. The gain in that experience is in formulating the understanding that transforms our experiences from knowledge to wisdom as we skillfully and intimately weld our human experience with our spiritual one. The “doer” is like the seat of a driver whose only objective is to get the vehicle from one place to another with all energy and awareness on the path itself. The witness is like the more leisurely passenger who, though on the same path, doesn’t have the same worries as the driver about the path itself, but can see all around the path and take in far more of the journey.

We direct a lot of our energy in this yoga practice to continuously raising our awareness to bring ourselves closer to the spiritual source in all things- Consciousness (Chit in Sanskrit), which we refer to as Spirit or Grace. The reason being that this is our True Nature, the very Nature we are intent on remembering and feeling the connection to when we study all of the other concepts that essentially lead us back to this. In our practice, self-study helps us move into Grace by teaching us to connect to our pure sense of awareness, the source within ourselves and all things so that we may learn from ourselves, about ourselves, and so that we can make connections that paint a bigger picture than the often zoomed in or out-of-focus one we tend to have.

What a powerful ability, to consciously make ourselves the subject of study from which to form an understanding of- without projecting our own thoughts, judgements, pre-conceived notions or pre-experienced emotions. Imagine being able to have a lot of the answers to questions we seek? We can reflect on and learn from patterns within ourselves and patterns that we see as we watch over our experiences with care and openness. Over time we find ourselves experiencing so many things that feel or look similar to others and “going with the flow” can turn to “ignorant bliss”. This is yoga and this practice of self-study is an effort to go with the flow, but consciously and full-heartedly. We are far more knowledgeable than we think and house so much unique and valuable experience waiting to serve a higher purpose. This is the practice.

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on the mat | asana:

This week we turn our gaze inward as we open to a way of being that is maybe bigger or seemingly outside of ourselves and imagine that we are watching over ourselves in asana. We are practicing observation, using our very own eyes as tools to connect to our alignment on the outside of the pose and then mimicing that idea of how our eyes work on the inside to give our attention deeply to the deeper, detailed principles of alignment so that we can hopefully make conscious connections in other more advanced shapes.

Alignment is an element of the practice that can often feel rudimentary or so subtle in detail that both can be overlooked or forgotten. Focusing on this offers us the opportunity to connect with the inherent wisdom of the body and from it gain an understanding that deepens our relationship with ourselves and to the yoga practice.

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May we each grow and evolve with our hearts and minds fulfilled

as we continue to explore all that we are and learn from our experience of being

This week we embark upon a part of this practice that calls for action. In order for the pursuit of freedom and lively energy to be sustained and fulfilled, we must do. In honor of that very freedom we practiced last week, we explore our abilities to be bold in the ways in which we move so that we can fully experience our freedom and ourselves.

there is a quiet but deep revolution that takes place every time we take a step [toward something] for the sake of what is in our hearts. it’s a bold move. a spiritual power move that ripples beyond the action itself. to do for you in honor of you. brave.

in the tiniest decision to the biggest life choice exists the potential for our soul to be lifted. choosing is our heavy gift. the gift often taken for granted and often abused, pulling and draining the energy away from the source of power- ourselves.

take it back. give it back.

one choice leads to the next.

there’s nothing stopping our revolution. nothing. so move. do. for you.

If choosing is the heavy gift, the action is the transformative energy that spreads throughout our organism physically and viscerally and circles the gift straight back to our soul.

the dare in this practice is to be honest. through our truth can we dare to be who we are. we are looking to present within each moment a version of ourselves that is, in as much a way as possible through time and practice, unabashedly true to ourselves. we are given a finite amount of time to be whoever and whatever we are and to grow into that person and hopefully allow that person to flourish within our bodies. Nature is bold. Which simply means that we have the capacity to be bold as well. And through this natural and, in our case, consciously nurtured bravery to choose and move with high regard for who we are first, we begin to encourage a blooming and blossoming of self, akin to the flowers and our other living friends in Nature.

The actions we make have the power to either be true to our hearts or not. Being bold is not a quality of being dramatic, though it definitely can be. Being bold, at least in my opinion, means doing consciously. The actions we make become expressions of who we are. Actions made without awareness or without intention are no less actions, but lack our full presence. Actions that shun our energy or are taken without high regard for ourselves quiet the spirit and builds a fortress around it so that it-we- express glimpses of our truth. It takes a level of bravery to be so honoring of oneself. A bravery that is commended but often not given the highest amount of encouragement. The main stream of thought, action, behavior become diversions to the true well of unique energy that each of us encapsulate.

Speaking to the physical body, main stream of behavior translates to our most experienced ways and most utilized parts. An action taken consciously with the intention of creating new streams allowing for a more full and honoring expression of ourselves becomes that deep revolution all throughout. We not only know within. We not only decide. We not only speak our motives. We follow through with an action that is performed and begins to highlight or embolden more than had been expressed before. We blossom. We unfold. We expose ourselves a little bit more and bare our hearts through posture and life circumstance. And perhaps we stand out a little bit. Perhaps we bare our hearts and it feels a bit like we’re somewhat naked. Our uniqueness, the things that make us who we are and maybe different from others- even if not written, spoken, detailed, or shown-feel exposed as we move with conscious, intentional motivation. Bold action is action performed directly to put ourselves in there and put ourselves out there. But as we do that we take the things that we both unconsciously and consciously hide about ourselves out of fear of what the outer world will do with our truth, and we wear it and own it bravely. No other version of us exists. And part of this particular concept is about embracing that.

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On The Mat:

This week’s asana focus is centered around binds and focusing our physical practice on how to create and maintain our presence despite having our hands and arms wound and tied around us, sometimes forcibly or unconsciously getting tucked away when we do them.

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baddha konasana | bound side angle pose

Our poses become a platform to study ourselves, how we express or alternately how we hide. We learn to choose ourselves repeatedly while performing action after action to embolden our posture and showcase what we are and what we hope to be through them. The parts that make us feel naked because they are believed to be unfit or untailored for the occasion become intricate detail that makes the expression itself all the more brave and the learning all the more deep. Upon continuing to move for ourselves & learning how to access strengths that are innate to increase the bold bravery within, there forms an understanding that could not elsewhere be found leading to postures that we genuinely feel connected to. And in this practice, that genuine connection is what begins to separate our doing for the sake of doing with our doing with the intention of understanding and expressing who we are.

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May we find ourselves more empowered, enabled and ultimately free as we practice expressing ourselves boldly through our very own actions.

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Spring is in full effect! We made it to the other side of what felt like a pretty harsh Winter and into the next phase of Nature’s cycle where everything is popping with light, color and vibrant energy.

We can completely forget as humans how animalistic and of the Natural world we are. We’re just like everything else here on this planet, affected by the turn of the seasons and the shifts that come with them. Now that Winter is over and we’ve gone full throttle into more consistent blue skies, warmer weather and bloom season, we’re seeing it and we’re feeling it. The thawing has taken place, there is rebirth, new life, and the energy is high. It’s like we’re coming out of hibernation and it feels freeing and damn good.

There’s more to us than it has maybe seemed for a few months and we just naturally want to embody “the rest” of who we are. It’s naturally “time” to feel ourselves again (as if we weren’t before?) and we want to go out and do that more fully. We’re not tied down by the restrictive weather conditions limiting our play time and our mood. There’s more daylight and more sun which is all the encouragement our warm-blooded bodies need for that energetic boost.

With the coming of Spring has come the gift of being able to spend more time outdoors recently. Being outdoors and seeing the current state of Nature has been so inspiring. I go outdoors because I love it and it makes me personally feel good. That ‘feel good’ becomes an assist to my mental, emotional and spiritual health. And while I know that fully and even have it written down on something I call my “Best Life List” (which I’ll introduce in more depth later), going outside isn’t always possible and honestly I don’t always feel motivated. Name a reason that we feel limited and it’s probably one of those. Anything that feels oppressive (limiting internal ebbs or external circumstances) draws me away from being outside as well as other things that are on the list of being a part of life that make me feel full, expansive and free. Thankfully with the breaking of Winter, this new energy has melted off the old and I feel more awake, more alive. The outdoors are more accessible which makes it easier to get inspired and reconnect in a bigger way. So, naturally (no pun intended), so much of the inspiration I gather comes directly from the source itself - Mother Nature, Pachamama, the Earth. Everything on this Earth is offering us lessons at every second. With the intensity of this blooming energy is this incredible blanket of blooming flora and fauna. There are flowers showing off in the biggest way with intense color, height, and amount- they have been top of mind and constantly in sight. Literally so many flowers! We all know what flowers and plants look like and we see them all the time, but this year’s bloom is an extra display of their character in full-form and free-form.

And so, this week, we learn our yoga through the spirit of the flowers, the spirit of Spring energy, and the freeing vibration that we are all feeling in some way.

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One of my favorite aspects of this yoga practice is it’s universality. Every concept, every philosophical idea is meant to serve us in a no-matter-what way and on an anytime-anywhere-basis. This is how we push our consciousness further.

This vibrational shift coming in full swing with a change of season and the wild bloom of life has been drawing to focus the idea of freedom. The ability to be without reservation, without limitation. Fully liberated expressions of creation.

We all want to be free. So often we seek our freedom through sensation and through the world outside of ourselves. We do things that make us feel free so we can find a connection to it. In the yoga practice, for thousands of years, yogis have been finding this connection by going inward. Connecting to this concept through the portals of their hearts, their Spiritual centers, in full recognition, and for full realization. Ultimately looking to find within us the same center of being that a flower, which blooms without questioning, contains. Ultimate Freedom. Svatantrya.

Svtantrya can be understood to mean the unbounded freedom found when we stand firmly on our path and stay true to our hearts.

Complete and total liberation.

No matter the conditions we are faced with or the limitations we feel or perceive, there is and cannot every truly exist anything that can restrict who we are in our hearts. Should we open up to that as fact, we may find the likeness in ourselves to the parts of Nature that inspire us.

Imagine that? Feeling as free as we want and as free as the practice believes us to be. Feeling so free that we expand and express ourselves fully no matter the circumstance. Being bold in our growth and blooming as if nothing were in our way.

This is our practice this week and it isn’t an easy one. But the saving Grace, because there always is one, is that we all know it on a pretty easy-to-understand level. Those things that we all do to make us feel free, make us feel like ourselves, make us feel like we’re “living our best lives” and getting our fullest expression on? All of those are reminders are hits of the bigger freedom that lives in our hearts at all times but more often than not needs tending to, recognition, and coaxing. All of those things also serve as ways to connect to who we are within, what we align with that makes us feel like ourselves- full and free, and what encourages us to grow without restriction. If we are able to sense those things, then we have first hand-experience with the idea. That is our glimpse into something that is in fact already a part of us and is not in the thing we seek. The freedom itself cannot exist in the thing if we are the finders and harborers of the feeling we call freedom. The freedom is in the same place the feelings are conjured. Within.

The flowers grow wild. They grow through cracks in the cement on curb-sides and freeway shoulders. They grow despite harsh winters. Some of the wildest of them grow taller than our human bodies and take over entire hillsides. Despite 7 years of drought and just after raging fires making some of the land barren, just enough rain in one year has been enough for the flowers to shock the world with their attention-grabbing life. They’re here. They’re flowers. They grow. They are.

We sing, we dance, we socialize, we get active. We open our windows to let more air in. We shed layers and expose a little more skin when it’s warm. We spend time doing even the smallest of things that get us to be who we are at whatever level we reach for. We are alive. Even when we aren’t consciously doing what we do as a means to make us feel alive, we’re alive. And then beyond that, each of us does our best to fully live. We can and sometimes do make those bigger, more conscious decisions that allow us to feel like we’re thriving in deep connection to who we are deep in our hearts. But living isn’t easy. Living fully isn’t easy. Full expression is often limited because freedom doesn’t always feel like a given and isn’t perceived in all situations.

Our practice reminds us of our ability to make the bigger, more conscious decisions as often as we can, as much as we can. Not because it will bring us closer to being a spiritual person, but because we are Natural, Spiritual beings who deserve to feel and know our True free Nature. We deserve to feel at home in ourselves, to feel connected to our hearts, to who we are, and to express ourselves authentically as often as possible. Knowing that there will be times that invite us back into a shell and put us back in energetic hiding. That freedom in our human experience is what separates us from the flowers. Our level of consciousness gives us a different way of experiencing life. We have thinking minds. Meanwhile flowers are just doing their thing. They get nourished and they grow. There’s no question. Flowers are flowers and no matter what they look like or how they grow in comparison to others, they’re still absolutely flowers. We, on the other hand, feel the limits that life offers us in a conscious way and when we feel limited we can feel smaller than we are or less like ourselves. It becomes a frame-of-mind, a perception, and in some instances an absolute. From this can creep up inside a feeling that we are actually not free at all. We have naturally limiting and questioning minds. Beautiful but in need of opening and reconnecting.

Relatable? Definitely. Especially when we think in the context of the body.

There are so many poses in which I don’t feel full in my power or feel that I am the power to express through them. Physical limitation, perceived limitations, mental roadblocks. They become hurdles in our practice that we overcome by learning to see ourselves in. We put effort into connecting to ourselves without distraction and focus on what already exists that we can continue nourishing so that the pose grows to its fullest. Some poses naturally feel more free than others. Some look freeing. Some we have to work to find the freedom in. It is a process of re-conceptualizing and re-associating so that we can connect more deeply.

This is example is a common one in yoga class:

We enter a pose that makes us feel limited in some way and we feel a little less connected to our fullest potential. In that moment we maybe feel totally disconnected from the practice and even discouraged about ours. This happens to me too. I have full faith and all hope in my backbends one day feeling as free as my arm balances and as free as they look when others do them. For now they feel less free for my physical body but when I am in them and the teacher invites me into working toward the fullest expression of the pose- whatever I can do, I will do and that is a backbend with me in it!

Maybe you’ve experienced this in class? And when this happens it changes where we come from and how we express ourselves in our shapes. The expression of our pose becomes one that might end up smaller because we on the inside we feel smaller, so we don’t exude all of who we are through that pose. When in reality everything that we are, no matter what or who we are, is all we are looking to radiate through our postures. The truth is that there is nothing that can limit that, not as long as we are. As long as we are what? Literally, as long as we are. Our freedom exists within our existence and that’s the key to unlocking the liberation we seek. So in our shapes, we take our energy away from the limitations and ideas that make us feel limited. Those things that take away our power don’t deserve our energy and don’t fuel our growth. Instead we draw our connection to our truth. We apply our highest level of determination to stay firmly grounded in that truth. We dedicate ourselves to that truth. From that truth we expand. We radiate and express ourselves through our poses as if to show the world who we are in that pose.

We stay the path and stay on the trail that is ours. That path will always be the one that frees us. And maybe it isn’t about attaining the biggest feeling. Freedom maybe isn’t about feeling something in such a big way that we can’t retain it or keep the connection to it after it’s gone. We hope to feel it as much as possible, but our hope is to more simply remember that we are free no matter what and to explore the things that offer us expansion. In our bodies maybe it’s a big, expansive stretch- which I don’t often cue until the very end of the posture. Honestly because it isn’t the stage of the post that we can maintain for very long. Connecting to freedom in our posture maybe in going a little bit further than last class. Perhaps feeling less strain than before. Maybe we get our freedom in standing taller on our mats or realizing after class that something in the body feels better. We learn to liberate bits and pieces of us which help us connect more to the idea that we were always free to begin with and those limitations always had the potential to change.

Less encouraging circumstances exist off of our mats as well and we experience them, though usually not as consciously as we do in our yoga practice, all the time. From one environment to the next, one season to the next, one social situation to the next we are between feeling freely able to express ourselves and in full connection to who we are and then alternately, not so much.

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On a more personal note:

I mentioned going outdoors as a way for me to reconnect, stay inspired and do something that makes me feel very true to who I am. Living in the middle of one of the busiest cities in the world, which is where the majority of my time is spent, isn’t awful but it can feel constricting. It is a wonderful, thriving and crowded place with constant, loud and busy energy. So much life and so much of it’s own inspiration from which I draw and love. I also love open, natural and wild spaces. For living in a city like this one, I’m grateful for relatively close, incredible nature in all directions. Ensuring that I feel myself fully require has been a practice of good weather (which we’re lucky to have most of the time here), opening my mind and heart, and conscious effort. I make sure to get out of the city to nurture other parts of my soul. The freedom I feel from the unshackled energy of the outdoors reminds me that I am always free. I practice connecting myself to the sources that keep my heart happy and my spirit expressing itself highly. A short hike, camping, backpacking, climbing, a short visit to the park between work hours, sitting outside in the sun or even the rain, looking at the clouds or the moon. All of it fills me and frees me. Nature is a light in this life that I reach for whether I can do it big on an outdoor adventure or small in the parking lot of grocery store for 1 minute. The restrictions don’t exist. Not outdoors nor in the city. And knowing that in my heart Nature is a calling drives me to it as much as I can and as often as I can and work to see it in places where it may seem like it doesn’t exist. We all have our own versions of this outside of the yoga practice.

Questions I ask myself and ask my students:

What can we draw our awareness to that makes us feel connected to who we are? Can we dedicate ourselves so much to those things, to our hearts, that we take conscious strides toward staying true to them, so that we feel and recognize the freedom that allows us to express who we are without question, doubt or hesitation?

In my personal practice this is some of the murkier water and continued space of challenge. Earlier on I mentioned something called my Best Life List which included going outdoors…

The Best Life List

I could write about this for just about any Practice Journal but I find my way into writing about it here because it is a list that ended up reminding me of the things that free me from the parts of myself that have for a long time believed needed to be hidden and not expressed. It’s for the most part a quiet struggle and one that isn’t as outwardly expressed as the more extroverted and positive character I know I have. But it is real and because it is so real, this list has been a wonderful, ever-expanding tool I’ve been grateful to have made.

The Best Life List exists in a few different forms. One version for when the struggle is real. One for the times when I’m experiencing struggle-light. And another for when things are feeling big, open and struggle-free. The more struggle, the more basic the list is. Simple things like staying hydrated, making sure I eat, doing a shorter list of productive things, journaling, spend any portion of time outside you can, move on your mat and meditate at home, have some chocolate. These are things that connect me to me when it is really hard to do so and pull me above the perceived limitations that can often feel stunting. When there is less to no struggle, the list enhances upon those things and becomes more and more lively. The list expands to include things like yoga class, more time outdoors for longer periods of time- maybe a trail run or hike, certain music playlists get played, climbing, time with friends in bigger and bigger ways. In its fullness the Best Life list is a specific list of the array of things that make Samantha feel the most Samantha, without a doubt and without reservation. I know that this list is a condensed version of me when I don’t hold back and what my heart is gravitationally pulled to when there is nothing standing in the way. But with each version of a list are different levels of expression. Like a flower that is smaller or bigger or super depending on the circumstances, but is always a flower being a flower.

Now I don’t religiously abide by the Best Life List or use the things on the list as rule. I don’t even refer to it all of the time, though I did a lot at one point and I still add to it or change it when inspired. More than anything, it was created out of a totally free spirit and from the joy in my heart. But in the last 3 or so years, it has also become a reminder to myself- a helpful guide- for when I feel tucked away or stuck… similar to the way I feel in backbends. It has been a materialization of my dedication to myself first and foremost. But also the dedication to my practice beyond my mat. An integration of my devotion to full mental-emotional-spiritual freedom into my every day life and my perceptions of it. I’ve even taught it in class and offered it as a wellness practice technique with private students. Because it works. In the same way it works to open our perception of our experiences in every different type of pose and stage in the practice. This list, our yoga practice, encourages growth with a focus on the path and keeping it clear. And just like the practice, this list has simply been a way to slowly connect to all of the things on any version of those lists more and more while needing them less and less. The freedom has grown because the path, though it was laid out before these lists were written, was cleared. Again, ultimately, my freedom is already within. But- just like I believe a lot of us have to do get to that feeling of freedom where we are our fully-expressed, superbloomed selves- I’ve had to work toward recognizing it, realizing it, and knowing it. And I believe that both on and off the mat, the work is paying off. And I will never stop attributing the things that I’ve done off of the mat to the things that I learned on it. Best Life came from partaking in a practice that opened my eyes, mind and heart to what was already within. And with time comes a continued understanding that deepens and manifests with less and less effort. Big philosophical concepts like Svatantrya are not too big to explore nor are they beyond our realm of understanding. It takes time.

The concept of ultimate freedom forces us to ask ourselves what holds us back when we feel like something is holding us back? What’s stopping us from doing our thing? What’s actually stopping any of us from “living our truth”, “living our best life”, expressing ourselves fully? We are conscious. We are of this Earth. We are Cosmic creatures. We hold deep and vibrant power. We are unique expressions of cosmic energy. Like flowers, we are here to be! Why can’t we express ourselves? Through a firm connection to ourselves we have the power to remember, to know and to experience who we are. The flowers remind us to grow boldly, to be radiant in our expression so that both we and the world get the gift of knowing who we are and how we are bringing life to this place. It is ultimately our Divine right to be what we are, just like the flowers. To be who we are and how we are. And it is just as much our Divine right as conscious creatures to know that. That is liberation.

If our freedom is a boundless vibration that comes from staying true to ourselves, then the practice teaches us to do that no matter what. Staying true to ourselves means we also have to break through anything that has ever told us we are or are not something that a pose or circumstance maybe makes us feel. Staying true to ourselves is in part being honest about what we can and cannot do while also remembering that whatever we can do is our expression and our freedom and so we consciously express it with that very freedom. What does a full yoga pose look like? It depends on where we are that day and then being on our own side as we allow our pose to grow in whatever way it grows and to whatever capacity. We stand firmly on our path. We do our best pose. And whatever we have and all that we are, we radiate. It’s a conscious & often challenging choice and a practice until the parts we feel we need to hide for certain reasons begin to naturally blossom more and more, no matter what. And because something will always comes up both on and off the mat, we remember that through dedication and determination of staying firmly on our path we continue to bloom boundlessly more and more.

We are made of magic. Being reminded of who we are when we look around, when we experience ourselves is our reconnection back to the key to all of the gates that will feel locked from time to time. Remembering who we are will always be our invitation back home to ourselves.

We are made of magic. What we see in the flowers and what we see in Nature is ultimately also what we see in ourselves. Nature’s ways are our ways. Being reminded of who we are when we look around, when we experience ourselves through different circumstances is our reconnection back to the key to all of the gates that might feel locked from time to time. Remembering who we are will always be our invitation back home to ourselves. These connections are empowering and reaffirming as we continue on the path to freeing our hearts and souls.

It’s the season of blooming! Le't’s take up more space on our mats and in life. May this Spring energy and the wild, superblooming flowers remind us to grow boundlessly toward our truest selves.

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the flowers are free to be,

and so are we

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What do we see when we look around?

What do we see when we look at ourselves?

How do we receive & interpret our feelings, our experiences, all the different parts that make up our lives?

I think for the most part we are all absorbing things as they are and as they come based on how we have always connected to whatever they are. There are certain things that just simply are more attractive and aesthetically pleasing. There are things that we experience that actually are in our favor, that feel and look stunning- stuff that feels more inherently good and pleasing. These are the parts of life that maybe we believe to be beautiful.

What about the other things? Are the things that are less favorable, pleasing, or less attractive (to us) actually less beautiful or is there a way to re-associate what beauty means to us so that it is deeper and more enriching?

According to the yoga practice, of course there is. Of course.

The yoga practice teaches us that it is as much in our Nature to discriminate as it is to grow and stretch our perceptions to reach beyond our discriminations- ultimately unifying all things and bringing them into the light. So yes, even the things that we don’t personally like for whatever (valid) reason.

When we are practicing asana, we are always working on cultivating this flexible perception while we learn and re-learn who and how we are as we fold forward and face our dogs up or down. We have favorite poses, favorite variations and ideals for postures we have high intentions to one day be able to create with our bodies. At the same time there are poses that aren’t very exciting, some we really don’t like, poses we maybe don’t think look great, some we don’t feel good in, and some that even cause us discomfort. Shapes that we don’t find easy we may not envision as very attractive and the ones we feel our best in we envision in the opposite way. The truth is that there is genuine beauty in all of them and our practice is beautiful no matter what we’re doing or how we’re doing it- even if what we’re doing is taking a really quick rest in child’s pose while everyone else is working for a drop-back in Ustrasana (Camel Pose). Every stage, aspect, variation and modification is a beautiful and integral part of the practice.

This concept of Divine Beauty is what is referred to in Sanskrit as Sri (or Shri). This idea overarches our limited perceptions and small ideas of what constitutes as beautiful based on what we were taught, what we think, and the associations we’ve made with our emotions. It embraces everything in between and surrounding those ideas. Divine Beauty distinguishes itself from the definition of beauty we can look up in our dictionary- which doesn’t go beyond ourselves. And of course the yoga practice offers the universal and inclusive definition that nurtures the heart and the soul. The idea that everything is Divine and therefore beautiful. Which means that every single thing- big and small, dark or light, pleasant or unpleasant- is a beautiful manifestation of the Divine, simply because it is and because no matter the circumstance is continuing the expansion of life.

I still have to really let that sink in and since I began learning about this idea I’ve had to really give it time to permeate and percolate. In spiritual practices, readings, and teachings there can be an overwhelming amount of messaging of these types of concepts which can dilute the meanings of things or even turn them into less-impactful slogan-type ideas. Of course we all want to believe that everything is beautiful. But how? We tend to absorb and honor what we experience so highly in our minds that beauty becomes an intellectual feat. We feel so deeply that sometimes we don’t realize how our emotions tangle our perception. All of this is a natural forgetting that we are capable of being more wide-eyed, open-hearted, uncrossed at the arms and ready to embrace everything.

On the mat I start with breath.

Are we breathing or is even our breath discriminating against our experience? Our breath, our prana energy, is an energy we can draw our awareness to as a way of checking in with ourselves and seeing how our system is doing given the circumstances. Is our breath even? Is it full? Can we hear it at all or is it maybe heavy and erratic? How are we doing in there?? The breath is just one key into seeing how our energy is manifesting in all situations, but especially helpful to check in with when we are less open to whatever is happening in our practice (which is often harder to notice if we don’t tune in). In class I’ll say often, “If you’re breathing you’re practicing.” And while that is fundamentally true, no matter the theme, physical focus or version of the pose we’re in- we can practice knowing our breath further as a gateway to knowing how we are connecting to our practice. Generally speaking, our breath is shorter or being held unintentionally when we are in any way recoiling. The recoil is like a mechanism of the mind-body that we don’t always do on purpose, but is happening because in some way and for some reason, we’re rejecting where we are. It happens.

So when I practice starting with the breath it’s simply a way of turning on my practice-rejection-detector. If I’m discriminating my experience in my pose, checking in with my breath allows me to detect if that’s happening. With a deep breath in and a deep breath out, I can soften that space that doesn’t see what else might exist there that could guide me in my experience- the Divine shapeshifting and co-creating. It feels better when our shoulders drop with our exhale. The relaxing of the upper trap muscles offers a little room to enjoy being in a shape that we know has benefit, but might not want to do for whatever reason, and that we also have this really unique opportunity to create in our own little way on our mats. It is more beautiful than we think and just continues to become more beautiful with each breath we take, softening our minds and opening our hearts .

The practice kicks in when it is the hardest, in the extremes of both challenge and lull. We don’t have to work very hard to see the things that clearly stick out to us as beautiful in some way. The challenge is being in a place of trial and hardship and remembering that there is a beauty that exists even if we cannot see it. I think about poses that I feel the most struggle in or the parts of the practice that really test my will and heart space. Those are the experiences that we can connect to on the mat as an example of things that don’t really give us the sense that something beautiful is happening. It doesn’t feel like it, and well, we all know that if it doesn’t feel like it then it probably doesn’t look like it. In the practice we refer to this as a limited perception. But not one that can’t be brought to a place in which we are able to find what is promising within each and every experience like those that we have on our mats that feel and maybe even look a way that we don’t see beyond ourselves yet.

Our practice assists us in cultivating a sharper eye to the promise in it all. How could it be that only the nice, shiny and pretty things are fueling our practice? That only the prettiest or ideal versions of poses are what make a yoga practice great? How could it be possible that only the things that we connect to as being conceptually beautiful is what is beautiful and good about this life? The fact according to our yoga philosophy is simply that it really just can’t be that way. Not if everything exists and everything is connected. We can still have our opinions and every experience will be distinct from the next. But if it is all happening getting added to the thread of life, it is beautiful in its rawest and purest form.

Every part of this- meaning every part of you too-, every stage, every variation is a Divine creation. It is art. And the art is in and of itself beautiful, made up of all of its parts. The shadows, the color, the lines, and the different strokes.

We practice seeing our practice, our lives, as art. We learn to discriminate less and embrace more- beginning with our breath and our poses and then slowly, as always, beyond our mat space. We practice seeing how the dimmer and less favorable experiences are catalyzing the flourishing, blossoming and growth. We recognize that the struggle is inevitable in our practice to get further in it and without the struggle there is no great unlocking, there are no big revelations. Our greatest, most beautiful discoveries and momentous breakthroughs often occur through and after some of the less pleasant of experiences. The krama (sequence) is honored with love as we open ourselves up to the idea that every part of it is a beautiful incarnation of this material and spiritual existence.

When this practice leaves the mat it can begin to fill in the gaps that disconnect us from things that we don’t even realize we are discriminating against. Beauty begins to unravel from the vocabulary word that is only defined by and so dependent on what something looks like and feels like to us. It still is and can be all of those things, but it is and can be so much more. Beauty is all things and all things are beautiful in their own rite. This has been the most enlightening part. Seeing the opportunity in the things that don’t offer the most satisfaction. Being able to make peace with things that aren’t a part of the world I envision and putting less energy into the ideals of things. Growing out of discriminating to the point of completely segregating one type of beauty from another. There is a freedom that comes with seeing beyond what we think and inviting more in. There is a quiet but deep bliss in recognizing the fullness and the Grace in ourselves and in all things. It’s a willful and conscious practice of tuning into our hearts and using that space to slowly melt away the beliefs that pull us away from who we truly are and our interconnectedness with all things.

I have been reading this beautiful poem at the end of my yoga practices this week. It sinks into the very heart of this theme and when I read it, it reminds me of how this strange, wild and yet normal human experience is connected to our bigger, stranger and wild cosmic nature:

__________

it’s a thing of grace, all you are/

in spite of what’s happened/

a thing of beauty,

the way you happen,

regardless/

/// chris ferreiras;